Post ID 677

Posted by on May 8, 2019

A boundary is not that at which something stops, but that from which something begins.” Martin Heidegger

 

Last week I shared a new way to look at “balance” in your life, and today as a powerful follow-up I hope to shift your view on “boundaries”.

Boundaries are limits we put into place to help each other meet our needs.

When I first learned about boundaries, I didn’t really understand what they were, and that was a good hint that I needed them in my life. I also felt boundary work had to be hard and heavy, but have since learned otherwise. Here’s a visual I love to help you rethink boundary setting as a healthy, compassionate practice.

 

Your Sacred Space

Imagine you have a beautiful yard, like a magical garden where you feel wonderful and the surroundings are beautiful. It’s a healthy, vibrant and secure space where you feel at peace and at home. This outdoor oasis represents you, your healthy inner experience and your lush self-care practices.

Beyond this space is the outside world, in whatever form that may look like for you according to your unique situation. Perhaps its a similarly beautiful garden setting, a dirty and dangerous junkyard or someplace in between. It represents whatever or whoever is in your life that feels threatening to your well-being.

Between these spaces is your sacred fence. Perhaps it’s a flourishing living fence of well-kept hedges and floral vines, or maybe it’s a solid and strong cedar fence, that smells as beautiful as it looks. This fence represents your boundaries. Its simple purpose is to delineate between the two environments. It exists whether being viewed from the inside out, or the outside in.

The goal here is to tend to your sacred space rather than the surrounding environment – to focus on what you value and what you want to protect vs. who or what you want to keep out. View your fence as a means to better enjoy what you’ve cultivated within your own yard, rather than for avoiding difficulties. In doing so, you operate from a place of self-love, avoid reacting to or punishing others and convey your boundaries with compassion so they are more warmly understood, received and respected.

And don’t forget that fences have gates, for the opportunity to let others into your yard as circumstances allow.

 

Build Your Fence

Could you relate to your situation in this metaphor? Or are you still unsure if you need to set some boundaries? Chances are you do if you feel constricted, upset, anxious, angry, irritated or are complaining about something. So for example, you may need to set limits if you . . .

  • have had it with your never ending “to do” list;
  • procrastinate because you can’t handle the pressure;
  • can’t take another minute of your loved one’s passive-aggressive communication;
  • won’t put up with being treated poorly any longer;
  • are stressed and overwhelmed by all the little things to do at home and work; or
  • want to take better care of your needs and feel like your enough.

So in these situations, and others like them, how will you take care of your “oasis”? What are your fences AND what will you do if someone crosses them?

What situations will you say “yes” or “no” to, to meet your own specific needs, wants and joys?

AND

What will you “do” or “not do” if these boundaries are crossed, by yourself or others?

Naturally, you will also want to respect other people’s boundaries too. If you are on the receiving end of someone drawing a line, you’ll now understand that everyone’s boundary needs are different, boundaries aren’t necessarily personal or your fault, and the best response is “Thank you for telling me about your boundary and I’ll do my best to respect it.”

Ultimately, boundaries are about self-worth. By compassionately setting and upholding them for yourself, you are growing and nourishing your own self-worth. Yes please!

. . . . .

If you would love to talk to me about your boundary-related issues, you’ll want to claim my new introductory offer.

“Balance & Boundaries” is my new introductory 1:1 Coaching Intensive. If you’re ready to: Get clarity on your balance issues; develop solutions for your most pressing needs; cultivate boundaries to uphold your desires and leave with the confidence to move forward, this is for you!

Check out all the details here: Balance & Boundaries Intensive

To your sacred space!

Nicole

Post ID 664

Posted by on April 30, 2019

Find the balance between setting your roots and letting your branches grow wild.” Rachel Brathen

 

Last week was an exciting one for me as I prepared for and delivered a Masterclass for the participants of “The Emotional Edge” course, by my long-time personal growth mentor Crystal Andrus Morissette. I was thrilled to share my views on what it means to be a “Natural Woman” – the most empowered version of yourself guided by your cyclical feminine nature.

So today I want to share a piece of this work knowing that you’ll be interested too. It’s my “evergreen” take on creating and maintaining balance in your life.

I imagine that you, like most women, have struggled at times with your attempts to achieve “balance”. For instance, have you ever sought balance . . .

  • Between the demands of work and sharing your attention with your family;
  • Within specific areas of your life, such as doing all the chores at home that need to get done or tending to all the details that must be done to succeed in your work or business;
  • In the way you manage your physical and emotional energy, to stop the cycle of taking on too much then crashing;
  • In handling your challenging relationships with others and decoding the emotional patterns; or
  • In fulfilling your own needs and filling yourself up because you’re important too!

 

If you have ever felt that there must be another way, I’m here to suggest that there is. Let’s stop the madness and consider this fresh take on how to balance – your energy, your emotions, everyone and everything. What balance do you crave?

First let’s explore what it means to have a sense of balance. I’ll admit I’m not into the traditional aim to have all the “things” attended to equally. For one, there are always too many “things” to balance, and I don’t really want that many things on the go because that would be exhausting. For two, I don’t even want to balance all the “things” equally – to keep all the plates spinning or all the balls in the air – because I don’t value all “things” equally. Thus, my approach is more about prioritizing first, and then balancing; on giving my full attention to only a few things that matter most to me at any time, and saving the rest for later (or dropping them altogether).

Furthermore, it’s not really the “things” that I’m most interested in balancing. Instead, I’d rather balance myself and my approach to all the “things” that I’m choosing to prioritize at any given time. And this is where the evergreen tree metaphor comes in, or the “roots and branches” approach. For real and sustainable results, rather than balancing all the things that are “out there”, I turn the concept on its head and attend to balancing “all the things” within me. Here’s how . . .

Roots and Branches

Consider YOU for a moment, and forget about all the rest. Imagine that you’re a mighty pine tree – with a miraculous root system that supports, nourishes and grounds you and magnificent branches that grow upward, outward, and give to others.

This tree represents all the little parts of you – the good, the bad and the lovely – which together make you who you uniquely are. Both aspects, the below ground roots and above ground branches, are essential to living a healthy, whole and full life.  The aim is to balance or to honour both of these polarities of self, not necessarily at the same time – like the ebb and flow of water, the sunrise and sunset, or the summer and winter solstices.

So what are these two polarities? Similar to the traditionally known “feminine” and “masculine” characteristics, or “yin” and “yang”, the two aspects can be found within all of us regardless of gendre. We’ll call them roots and branches here. Which of the two parts do you tend to inhabit most?

 

Your Roots                                                         Your Branches

* Know who you truly are within self                   * Know who you truly are within world

* Grounded energy (being)                                  * Active energy (doing)

* Inward focus (inner growth)                              * Outward focus (external growth)

* Contracted focus (few things)                           * Expanded focus (many things)

* Intimate connection (known few)                      * Social connection (many others)

* Inner light (illuminating within)                         * Outer light (shining outward)

* Base physical and emotional energy                 * Peak physical and emotional energy

* Receiving energy (self-love)                              * Giving energy (other-love)

 

Now what?

1) Opportunities in the Opposite – The simplest way to put this metaphor to use is to consider your own personal struggle with balance in life (possibly like one of the 5 listed at the beginning) and notice which of the two polarities (roots or branches) you have been struggling to make work. What would shift if you tried focusing your attention on the opposite side?  For example, maybe you are really struggling to figure out or fix a problem that you are having with someone (branches). What would happen if you turned your focus inward for awhile, and instead tried to figure out and nurture what’s going on within you that is contributing to the problem (roots).

2) Comfort vs. Courage – Another approach to this metaphor is to notice which of the two polarities you tend to identify with or exhibit the most. This is your “comfort zone”. The other part of you, that you’re less likely to apply, is your “courage zone”. Your comfort zone is the place you feel safe, where things feel natural and where your habits automatically take you. Your courage zone is where you feel resistance, where you’re awkward and unnatural, and is the realm of moving beyond routines and toward growth.

Again, when you consider your personal struggle with the balancing act, which of the two polarities describes your habitual approach (comfort zone), and which is not (courage zone)? What would shift if you attended more to your courage zone? So consider the scenario that you’re exhausted from keeping all the plates spinning for everyone else (branches). How would things change if you invested some time and energy into your self-care and align with who you really are (roots)?

3) Breakthroughs for Both -There’s a chance that you’ve discovered that you aren’t feeling especially empowered on either side and that both sides of yourself could use some TLC. That’s okay. In my experience, enhancing your roots first will build a solid foundation from which you can then grow solid branches. But as is always the case, trust your own personal guidance which always comes before others’ advice. So attend to whatever side appeals to you most, either because it’s the easiest place to start thus will create momentum to get you going, or because it’s the riskier place to start and therefore will create the greatest positive impact for you. What would change for you if you took this approach?

You may also find that you feel equally comfortable with and empowered on both sides. This means it’s time for some next-level refining to find your own ideal balance of your two parts. Look at each defining characteristic listed for roots and branches, and note what would make for an even better balance for you between the two. For example, if you’re already doing great at both grounding/being and acting/doing, what would be the ideal expression of each for you in this season of life? How could you adjust the balance to be even more aligned with your greatest self and life?

Restore Balance

So when we revisit the initial balancing barriers that my clients and community have shared with me (listed above) through this new tree metaphor, we can see the way forward to real results . . .

  • So before you address your work/home balance (branches/branches), consider how you might first balance your self/life needs (roots/branches).
  • Similarly, before you stress over any more of your endless to-dos (branches), get clear on what truly matters to you (roots) and learn to postpone or drop the rest.
  • To avoid the energetic crash and burn, notice which polarity of yourself is craving more attention (roots or branches), nurture that part of you first, and then nurture and integrate the other part.
  • In handling emotional relationships, try loosening your focus on the “other” (branches) and first nurture your side of the relationship (roots).
  • And because you ARE important too, fulfill your own needs and fill your own cup first on whatever side of yourself – roots or branches – that you need!

. . . . .

As you can tell, I’m passionate about this fresh take on balance and am just as passionate about helping women to implement this perspective too, which is why I’ve created a new Introductory Offer to get you started on your balancing journey!

“Balance & Boundaries” is my new introductory 1:1 Coaching Intensive for a special intro rate of $49 CAD! If you would love to: Get clarity on your balance issues; develop solutions for your most pressing needs; cultivate boundaries to uphold your desires and leave with the confidence to move forward, this is for you!

Check out all the details here: Balance & Boundaries Intensive

To your growth!

Nicole

P.S. Don’t forget to check out my Introductory Offer here if you’d love some support with reclaiming a healthy sense of balance. Reach out if you have any questions.

Post ID 656

Posted by on February 22, 2019

“Knowing how you actually want to feel is the most potent form of clarity you can have.”
Danielle LaPorte

 

Today is one of my favourite stops along the “Nurture Trail”. Throughout the month I’ve been sharing various ways to show yourself more love and today I have some thoughts for you on nurturing your feelings and emotions.

Maximizing my emotional wellness has been the most powerful skill I’ve learned to live my most healthy and fulfilling life. Since discovering these elusive life lessons, I’ve wanted everyone to know about the direct connection between our emotions and creating lives we love. In fact, that’s why I started my coaching business in the first place – to “share the love” so to speak.

Emotional empowerment allows you to release any lingering emotional baggage from your past, healthily process your feelings in the moment,choose your desired emotional experiences in your life and even leverage your emotions to create the life you most desire. 

There’s so much to share about nurturing your feelings and emotions, but for today I’ll let you in on how I use my feelings to make the most of – and be more present in – my day.

Feelings First

This morning practice takes mere minutes, but will have a hugely positive impact on how you experience your entire day.

1) Take a few quiet moments in the morning to check in with yourself about your emotional needs. Even just closing your eyes, taking a few deep breaths and guiding your attention from your head down into your heart will do. Once you’re connected to your true inner self, ask yourself “How do I want to feel today?” and see what answers naturally arise.

If you need a little inspiration, check out this feelings list for ideas: abundance, adventure, appreciation, balance, bravery, calm, celebration, confidence, creativity, delight, devotion, ease, encouragement, energized, feminine, focused, free, glad, grace, grateful, healthy, held, important, interested, joyous, limitless, love, magic, momentum, nourished, open, passionate, peaceful, playful, powerful, quiet, refreshed, secure, seen, sensuous, spontaneous, thrilled, treasured, unique, vivacious, vital, warm, whole, wondrous.

2) Write down your top 3 words. Keep them top of mind through your day, perhaps by writing them on sticky notes and posting them where you’ll see them or by noting them in your daily agenda.

3) When faced with a decision about how to spend your day, check in with your 3 words and use them as a filter to guide your choices. Whenever possible, choose actions that align with your words. When that’s not fully possible, at least incorporate some element of your desired feelings to make the experience more of a win-win situation. If you’re a scheduler, take some time to adjust your to-dos of the day to reflect your desired feelings and also to schedule in some self-care time specifically devoted to nurturing your desired feelings.

For example, today I wish to feel: comfortable, content and accomplished. Informally, I’ll check in with myself throughout the day to see if I’m feeling those things and will adapt my environment, activities or mindset to better experience those feelings. More formally, I’ll plan my day’s schedule so that my work, home and self-care activities allow for these feelings.

So, how do you want to feel today?

Favourite Tip

Any time you haven’t identified your desired feelings, or don’t really know how you want to feel, you can use “Love” as your desired emotion. When deciding how to be or what to do in a day, ask yourself “What would Love have me do?” This may be my most favourite question (if having a favourite question was a thing :). This prompt  ensures you’re prioritizing love for yourself and others. You also may discover that the most loving thing is often not the easiest thing to do, but is the “right” thing.

Using this practice day after day will ensure you’re designing (and living) a life aligned with what feels the best – and matters most – to you.

This is what I would “Love” for you.

xo
Nicole

P.S. I’m fascinated with using essential oils as a natural tool for enhancing emotional wellness. Thus, I’M EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE my new newsletter “Natural Essentials”, where you will receive bi-monthly emails on:

  • Simple and practical tips to enhance your family’s wellness;
  • Features on oils to learn their physical and emotional benefits;
  • Do-It-Yourself ideas to make the most of oils;
  • Q & As for your continuing education at a gentle pace;
  • Updates on special offers and promotions; and of course
  • Opportunities to purchase oils if you desire.

Join my Natural Essentials newsletter here!

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