Post ID 781

Posted by on May 8, 2020

“Honour the space between no longer and not yet.” Nancy Levin

Yes, we have all been through much change over the past two months. I wonder if any of your personal relationships have also changed?

And how are you handling the transition that goes along with the change? 

If you’re not sure what I mean, here’s a quick recap of William Bridges’ transition theory.

A change is the external event or situation – positive or negative – that is largely practical. For example, a change could include the tangibles of welcoming a new friend or baby to your life, or saying goodbye to someone who is no longer your friend or is moving away.

A transition is your internal experience of the change – emotional and mental – that is a gradual process of adjustment. So, the intangible transition of moving through the psychological part of handling the new arrival or the departure of someone from your life.

If you find yourself stuck in a relationship, it could be that you haven’t moved through one of the ‘3 Stages of Transition’ in their natural order:

  • The Ending – You enter a change here, and identify what you are losing and how to manage these losses. Think of it like a storm’s arrival.
  • The Neutral Zone – The bridging between old and new, you are in the confusing and murky middle of change. This is like the foggy calm after the storm.
  • The New Beginning – The final stage where you accept the new normal with renewed energy and start to experience wins in your new direction. Here the sun, or even a rainbow, are visible through the parting clouds. 

Considering a personal relationship of yours that is currently changing, what stage are you in? 

If you find you’re not steadily moving through that stage of transition, here are some suggestions to help you gain some momentum with your relationship transition: 

1. If you’re stuck in your relationship’s ending (or ending in the sense that it will be different going forward than what it was before), do your grief work. Both ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ relationship changes involve some element of letting go: of who you were, of what was, or of what never will become. Allow yourself the space to feel and release your sorrow.

2. If you’re lost in your relationship’s neutral zone, address your fears, doubts and resistance. This period can feel very uncomfortable as you may sometimes want to go back to how things were, but you also know that you must move forward. Resist the urge to fill this emptiness to avoid the temporary discomfort. Learn new perspectives or resources, from trustworthy sources and people, to address your limits and worries.

3. If you’re caught in the new beginning, spark up your desires. You’re starting to become more clear on who you are and how you are in relationships. Bravely dream up the best possible outcomes for yourself and pursue what feels right for you. Take small steps, and try small things, as you increase your confidence in your new identity and reality.

From here, I’m confident you’ll notice some momentum through your changing relationship. Reach out to may any time for further clarification. Together we’ll catch a glimpse of your fair weather relationship forecast.

Post ID 736

Posted by on April 9, 2020

Dear Self-Care,

Hello old friend, how are you?

I’m writing this thank you note to let you know how much I appreciate you. Over the years, you have always been there for me, whether or not I made the time and effort to connect with you. And I always leave our visits better off than when I came – especially those times when I thought I didn’t want to connect with you.

You have made such a positive impact on my life, my business and my overall well-being that I decided to let you know these 21 incredible benefits of Self-Care. . . 

  1. You give me the space to be me – to know, appreciate, share and honour myself.
  2. My home is a secure and loving place because you’ve helped me know what that looks like for me.
  3. I’m clearer on my business priorities so I can simplify the work I do.
  4. You help me express and release my emotions so they don’t build up into bigger problems.
  5. I’m a better mom to my kids, able to be more present, lively and loving with them.
  6. You inspired the start of my business, as I want more people to benefit from knowing and accessing your value.
  7. I’m physically healthier, with more energy and vitality and less risk of illness and disease.
  8. I have stronger connections with friends, both giving to and receiving from supportive and wonderful people.
  9. You boost my creativity so I can offer my very best at work. 
  10. I’m better able to put my mind at ease and stop the mental chatter, to instead focus on what’s helpful and true. 
  11. I follow my ‘feel good’ with your support, trying new hobbies and learning new skills.
  12. You help me prioritize which are the most important tasks to focus on. 
  13. You give me full permission to rest and do nothing, especially when that’s what I need most. 
  14. You make it more fun to manage my finances, ultimately inviting more abundance. 
  15. You do the same for my business finances, ensuring I make the best financial decisions for my company. 
  16. When we’re together, I feel more spiritually connected to ‘something greater’ and to nature, and that I don’t have to have all the answers.
  17. You turn boring chores into mindful time or opportunities for play.
  18. I’m in an empowered place to make a real impact with my work thanks to you.
  19. You teach me how real balance is between ‘being’ me and ‘doing’ for myself and others.
  20. I’m a better partner with my husband, able to bring the best of myself to our relationship. 
  21. I’m modeling for my clients – and everyone around me – the type of loving relationship with self that is possible and essential to a life well lived. 

Wow, it was even easier than I thought to honour you.

I want you to know how much I really do appreciate you and that I will continue to do my best to show up for you – imperfectly, consistently, trustingly. Together we are better.

See you soon!

     Nicole

Post ID 604

Posted by on October 20, 2017

Since my first child was born, I’ve dreamed of giving our children the gift of a wild and free childhood where they could just enjoy being kids. Specifically, I wanted to share this with them by living in the country, and ideally on a lake (which has been my own life-long dream).

I gave myself the deadline of my son’s 12th birthday.

So, last spring when my son was about to turn 12, it hit me that we hadn’t been able to make this happen for our kids. This is what I had wanted for them more than anything in the world next to health and love – and I had failed.

I felt like a failure as a mother and a woman. 

I felt the shame and guilt and sadness of not being able to get our s#$% together in time to create a rural life for us to enjoy during their fleeting youth. And yes, they’re having a great childhood and yes we’re good parents, but this was one of those big lifetime goals that would never happen – the big dream that I’d have to give up.

I set aside my regrets, and carried on with life and doing the best I could. . .

. . . until the day came a few months after my son turned 12. It was just an ordinary day with an extraordinary moment of following my intuition which led to turning our life upside down (in a great way) to finally be living our dream on a lake!

And now having made that huge leap of faith, it seems that dreams big and small are coming true on a weekly basis.  Like right now, as I write to you while drinking tea by the fire with the sun coming up over the lake.

Which has led me to wonder – What took me so long?!

Now that I’ve been on a role of consistently making dreams a reality over the past few years, I intend to support you in making your dreams reality too.

And when I talk about dreams, I mean . . . your daydreams, desires, wishes, ideas, goals, intentions, wants, hopes . . . or whatever word you use to describe your dreams.

Because I finally understand we are meant to live our lives as ourselves, pursuing what matters most to each of us.

So today I want to share a dozen things I wish I knew about dreaming 12 years ago.

If I had it to do again, I would . . .

  • Understand that dreams don’t have to stay a fantasy that may happen “one day” according to chance, but instead can become my reality with clarity, faith and action.
  • Really and truly take my dreaming and dream-practice seriously by making it a regular priority because it works.
  • Have a greater vision for myself, avoiding keeping my dreams “small”, “realistic” and “safe”,  because I can’t possibly know that I’m capable (or incapable) of achieving in the future.
  • Have more fun and audacious wishes and not take myself and my future so seriously.
  • Step out of my comfort zone and work with my fears, objections and limiting beliefs about my dreams, how they’ll happen and their outcomes.
  • Conceive dreams grounded in who I am, rather than based on anyone else’s ideas or expectations (including what society dictates that I should be, do or have).
  • Share my ideas with a few trusted and encouraging friends, and receive their support in helping me go for it – and I would do the same for them.
  • Know what my dreams are in the first place and keep this clarity by writing them out, envisioning them, studying and sharing them.
  • Revisit my dreams regularly, to remember which ones are priorities and which ones I’m ready to release.
  • Follow my spark – my intutition, my gut, that little nudge that tells me what to do (no matter how random it may seem) as I can always trust it.
  • Protect my ember of hope and keep fanning its’ flames until it becomes a roaring fire, shining for myself and others.
  • Repeat all of the above together with my husband and kids so that we individually and collectively enjoy our dreams!

These are just a few of my many insights, and I have much more to share which is why I’m busy creating a new dream-themed resource for you.

Don’t quit your daydream.
Nicole

Posted in: Dreams
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