Post ID 781

Posted by on May 8, 2020

“Honour the space between no longer and not yet.” Nancy Levin

Yes, we have all been through much change over the past two months. I wonder if any of your personal relationships have also changed?

And how are you handling the transition that goes along with the change? 

If you’re not sure what I mean, here’s a quick recap of William Bridges’ transition theory.

A change is the external event or situation – positive or negative – that is largely practical. For example, a change could include the tangibles of welcoming a new friend or baby to your life, or saying goodbye to someone who is no longer your friend or is moving away.

A transition is your internal experience of the change – emotional and mental – that is a gradual process of adjustment. So, the intangible transition of moving through the psychological part of handling the new arrival or the departure of someone from your life.

If you find yourself stuck in a relationship, it could be that you haven’t moved through one of the ‘3 Stages of Transition’ in their natural order:

  • The Ending – You enter a change here, and identify what you are losing and how to manage these losses. Think of it like a storm’s arrival.
  • The Neutral Zone – The bridging between old and new, you are in the confusing and murky middle of change. This is like the foggy calm after the storm.
  • The New Beginning – The final stage where you accept the new normal with renewed energy and start to experience wins in your new direction. Here the sun, or even a rainbow, are visible through the parting clouds. 

Considering a personal relationship of yours that is currently changing, what stage are you in? 

If you find you’re not steadily moving through that stage of transition, here are some suggestions to help you gain some momentum with your relationship transition: 

1. If you’re stuck in your relationship’s ending (or ending in the sense that it will be different going forward than what it was before), do your grief work. Both ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ relationship changes involve some element of letting go: of who you were, of what was, or of what never will become. Allow yourself the space to feel and release your sorrow.

2. If you’re lost in your relationship’s neutral zone, address your fears, doubts and resistance. This period can feel very uncomfortable as you may sometimes want to go back to how things were, but you also know that you must move forward. Resist the urge to fill this emptiness to avoid the temporary discomfort. Learn new perspectives or resources, from trustworthy sources and people, to address your limits and worries.

3. If you’re caught in the new beginning, spark up your desires. You’re starting to become more clear on who you are and how you are in relationships. Bravely dream up the best possible outcomes for yourself and pursue what feels right for you. Take small steps, and try small things, as you increase your confidence in your new identity and reality.

From here, I’m confident you’ll notice some momentum through your changing relationship. Reach out to may any time for further clarification. Together we’ll catch a glimpse of your fair weather relationship forecast.

Post ID 736

Posted by on April 9, 2020

Dear Self-Care,

Hello old friend, how are you?

I’m writing this thank you note to let you know how much I appreciate you. Over the years, you have always been there for me, whether or not I made the time and effort to connect with you. And I always leave our visits better off than when I came – especially those times when I thought I didn’t want to connect with you.

You have made such a positive impact on my life, my business and my overall well-being that I decided to let you know these 21 incredible benefits of Self-Care. . . 

  1. You give me the space to be me – to know, appreciate, share and honour myself.
  2. My home is a secure and loving place because you’ve helped me know what that looks like for me.
  3. I’m clearer on my business priorities so I can simplify the work I do.
  4. You help me express and release my emotions so they don’t build up into bigger problems.
  5. I’m a better mom to my kids, able to be more present, lively and loving with them.
  6. You inspired the start of my business, as I want more people to benefit from knowing and accessing your value.
  7. I’m physically healthier, with more energy and vitality and less risk of illness and disease.
  8. I have stronger connections with friends, both giving to and receiving from supportive and wonderful people.
  9. You boost my creativity so I can offer my very best at work. 
  10. I’m better able to put my mind at ease and stop the mental chatter, to instead focus on what’s helpful and true. 
  11. I follow my ‘feel good’ with your support, trying new hobbies and learning new skills.
  12. You help me prioritize which are the most important tasks to focus on. 
  13. You give me full permission to rest and do nothing, especially when that’s what I need most. 
  14. You make it more fun to manage my finances, ultimately inviting more abundance. 
  15. You do the same for my business finances, ensuring I make the best financial decisions for my company. 
  16. When we’re together, I feel more spiritually connected to ‘something greater’ and to nature, and that I don’t have to have all the answers.
  17. You turn boring chores into mindful time or opportunities for play.
  18. I’m in an empowered place to make a real impact with my work thanks to you.
  19. You teach me how real balance is between ‘being’ me and ‘doing’ for myself and others.
  20. I’m a better partner with my husband, able to bring the best of myself to our relationship. 
  21. I’m modeling for my clients – and everyone around me – the type of loving relationship with self that is possible and essential to a life well lived. 

Wow, it was even easier than I thought to honour you.

I want you to know how much I really do appreciate you and that I will continue to do my best to show up for you – imperfectly, consistently, trustingly. Together we are better.

See you soon!

     Nicole

Post ID 267

Posted by on June 17, 2017

I’m writing to you today from beautiful Vancouver Island. It’s the perfect place to finish this 3 part email series on balancing emotional, mental, physical and spiritual elements as there’s nothing like vacation time, a retreat from the everyday and lots of time outdoors to bring wholeness to ALL your inner elements!

So far, I’ve shared about the elements as metaphors to understand the parts of yourself and know which parts of yourself you lead with and which need balance. To finish off today, I have 40 ideas for you to choose from to rebalance yourself for optimal wellness.

If you discovered that your heart, mind, body or spirit could use some loving attention, try any of the ideas below.

Water:

To allow your emotions to flow freely, if they are overflowing or dried up, balancing Water activities include . . .

  • Listen to your favourite music, play music or attend a concert.
  • Notice how your sensory experiences affect your emotions.
  • Move your body in expressive, sensual or sensitive ways or dance.
  • Learn the “secret” language of your emotions and apply their wisdom.
  • Create arts or crafts to process and better understand your emotions.
  • Write, read poetry or journal to express your emotional experiences.
  • Try flowing spiritual movements like tai chi, yoga or qigong.
  • Spend time outdoors near water to enjoy the flow or take a salt bath.
  • Enjoy positive social interactions at parties, sports events or on dates.
  • Use your emotions to feel into the other 3 elements.

Air:

For a breath of metal or intellectual fresh air, if your thoughts are blustering or starkly still . . .

  • Play games requiring mind focus, like Scrabble, sudoku or crosswords.
  • Read about and research things that interest you.
  • Make plans and bring logic to your activities and processes.
  • Do an in-depth study on artistic expression, relationships, cultures, human development, religion or spiritual practices.
  • Turn off the news or social media and allow your own thoughts to unfold.
  • Learn the source of your thoughts and beliefs and update as needed.
  • Try something new to flex your mental muscles.
  • Breathe in wide open spaces or practice breathwork anywhere.
  • Discuss topics of interest to you with friends, family and acquaintances.
  • Use your mind to sharpen the other 3 elements.

Earth:

For grounding yourself or your environment, if they are overworked or ignored try . . .

  • Do nothing. Allow yourself rest time and enough hours of sleep.
  • Nourish yourself with healthy, energy providing foods and drinks.
  • Design a plan or regime to enhance your physical wellness.
  • Enjoy tactile art forms like pottery, sewing or carpentry.
  • Try emotive dance like salsa or samba, or spiritual movement like forest bathing or mindful walking.
  • Prevent and manage physical health conditions or illnesses.
  • Enjoy a massage, adjustment, sauna or steam bath.
  • Practice grounding by walking barefoot outside or lying on the earth.
  • Play, fool around and have fun with others and the world.
  • Use your body to strengthen the other 3 elements.

Fire:

To keep your spirit or vision burning, if it’s blazing out of control or fizzling out, consider . . .

  • Make time and space for your dreams and visions.
  • Understand your intuition as a gift and learn to trust it.
  • Study spiritual or religious texts or great dreamers or visionaries.
  • See the big-picture of your emotional process, within your world, culture, family and yourself.
  • Engage in passionate endeavours.
  • Dance or drum to summon your inner inferno.
  • Pray, meditate, worship or set intentions.
  • Enjoy a sunrise, sunset, bonfire or candle light.
  • Spend time with animals, children or elders.
  • Use your spirituality to spark the other 3 elements.

So which of these 40 ideas called to you the most? Do that today! Then try any of the others as needed.

I’ll do the same!

  Nicole

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